The Sleep Score: WWE Elimination Chamber 2012

Here in Manila, WWE events that usually air via Pay-Per-View air for free on Jack TV, a local basic cable channel. Because of the time difference, the events air at 9 o’clock Monday morning, with a primetime replay at 9PM. Mondays are usually my rest days, as Tuesday to Sunday are the busy days of my week.

This means that my Monday morning is my precious sleep-in, no alarm clock time–often the most valuable morning of my week. Which means, to me, that the monthly WWE events had better be damn good for me to bother waking (and staying) up for.

Now, some shows are no-brainers–obviously must-watch shows, like last month’s Royal Rumble, next month’s WrestleMania, or an incredibly well-built card like last June’s Money in the Bank. Other shows, however, I’m not so sure about. Like this morning’s WWE Elimination Chamber.

But since I’m Vince McMahon’s abused wife the way I am, I wake up and watch them anyway.

Did I stay up? Did I like it? Did I regret it? Or did I fall asleep? And, should you? Find out after the break, on the first-ever Hurry up the Cakes Sleep Score.

9:00 – 9:50 AM
WWE Championship Elimination Chamber Match:
CM Punk vs. Kofi Kingston vs. R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz vs. Chris Jericho

Having Punk enter first and Jericho last was a brilliant move on the WWE’s part. It was the story I wanted to see–how could either (or both) Punk and Jericho claim to be the “best in the world” in this traditionally violent match. It turned out Jericho could claim never to have been eliminated, and Punk could cement his reign by overcoming the odds and being the last man standing.

It was exciting from start to finish, considering the wealth of talented in-ring performers (and The Miz) in the match. I considered heeding Sawyer’s advice of turning off the sound, but I didn’t want to miss the crowd reaction. And I was able to tune out Lawler, Booker, and Cole’s collective inanity a few minutes into it.

The Sleep Score: Stay up!

10:00 – 10:15 AM
WWE Divas Championship Match
Beth Phoenix vs. Tamina Snuka

This might be the first divas match in the past 12 months that wasn’t a bathroom break. Beth and Tamina delivered the best diva wrestling action ever from anyone not named Trish Stratus or Lita. In fact, they might’ve been better.

It’s good to see WWE take women’s wrestling (and women wrestlers) seriously, these days. Looking forward to the inevitable Phoenix-Kharma battle at WrestleMania. I’d stay awake for that one.

The Sleep Score: Stay up!

10:20 – 11:05 AM
WWE World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber Match:
Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show vs. Wade Barrett vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Great Khali vs. Santino Marella

Starting the match with Wade Barrett and Big Show. I am not a fan of Big Show’s happy-smiley-good guy character, and Wade is utterly boring without a substantial motivation–his “Barrett Barrage” is going nowhere, and his in-ring performance is generally mediocre.

I fell asleep, and open my eyes to catch glimpses of Cody Rhodes, Great Khali, and the insane pop for Santino Marella. I’d doze in and out, until Big Show started breaking through Daniel Bryan’s chamber pod, which is how I like my Big Show–angry, strong, and dangerous.

I eventually sat up to witness the red-crowd cheer Santino Marella on. What a sequence! I’m a Bryan acolyte, but WWE did such a good job of drilling in Santino as everyone’s sentimental favorite. But it was not to be: Daniel Bryan squelched Marella’s dream via Lebell Lock. It was wonderful.

Sheamus then interrupted Bryan’s celebration, and dropped him via Finlay’s old finishing move, the original Celtic Cross.

I felt a warm sense of pride knowing that my two predicted Mania main events (Punk/Jericho and Bryan/Sheamus) were going to happen. Just goes to show you, kiddies: Hurry up the Cakes is always right.

The Sleep Score: Sleep, wake up towards the end!

11:10 AM – 11:15 AM
WWE US Title Match
Jack Swagger (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Justin Gabriel (w/ Hornswoggle)

Justin Gabriel’s boots had wings on them.

The Sleep Score: Sleep.

11:20 AM – 12:00 PM
Ambulance Match
John Cena vs. Kane

No sign of Zack Ryder, no sign of Eve (having an affair with Cena), no sign of anything that was interesting about this storyline to begin with. And there was absolutely no way Cena would lose a month before his gigantic WrestleMania main event match up with The Rock.

The Sleep Score: Turn off the telly and go to sleep.

Hurry up the Cakes Verdict: Download the torrent Catch the replay for the Chamber matches


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