Back in business hodgepodge

We’re back! The Cybercrime law has been suspended by Philippine court. More on that over on BBC News.

Yes, I know it’s been a month since it’s been suspended. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.

Too much has happened since: The iPhone 5! The iPad mini! Brad Maddox! A diet that I couldn’t sustain!

Here are my thoughts on these, respectively:

  • Like it, kind of want it, don’t need it
  • Like it, kind of want it, absolutely don’t need it
  • Wat
  • I’ll try again 😦

K Sawyer Paul (of Fair to Flair and International Object fame) was gracious enough to interview me over on his podcast. We talked about e-book readers, Instapaper, and fanboyism. You can check that out here. I feel like Evan Bourne tagging with John Cena. Thanks again, buddy.

Life is still busier than ever, but it’s looking slightly more manageable now. And I no longer have that stupid cybercrime law to hide behind. (I’m sorry.) More cakes to come heading into 2013! See you soon, folks.

Oh, and one more thing, speaking of 2013…

Daniel Bryan will win the next Royal Rumble. You heard it here first, kiddies.

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The Sleep Score: WWE Elimination Chamber 2012

Here in Manila, WWE events that usually air via Pay-Per-View air for free on Jack TV, a local basic cable channel. Because of the time difference, the events air at 9 o’clock Monday morning, with a primetime replay at 9PM. Mondays are usually my rest days, as Tuesday to Sunday are the busy days of my week.

This means that my Monday morning is my precious sleep-in, no alarm clock time–often the most valuable morning of my week. Which means, to me, that the monthly WWE events had better be damn good for me to bother waking (and staying) up for.

Now, some shows are no-brainers–obviously must-watch shows, like last month’s Royal Rumble, next month’s WrestleMania, or an incredibly well-built card like last June’s Money in the Bank. Other shows, however, I’m not so sure about. Like this morning’s WWE Elimination Chamber.

But since I’m Vince McMahon’s abused wife the way I am, I wake up and watch them anyway.

Did I stay up? Did I like it? Did I regret it? Or did I fall asleep? And, should you? Find out after the break, on the first-ever Hurry up the Cakes Sleep Score.

Continue reading “The Sleep Score: WWE Elimination Chamber 2012”

WWE Royal Rumble 2012: I Feel Fine

Before we begin, may I just say, that I was right, and that you should always listen to Hurry up the Cakes, kiddies. 😀

Alright, carry on.


Last night was the Royal Rumble, and the Wrestling Community was out in full force on Tumblr and Twitter. I would almost say the frequently-updating Timelines and Dashboards were more entertaining than the event itself, but that wasn’t the case.

Daniel Bryan celebrates (via @charisseyaptan's Instagram)

The Triple Threat Steel Cage Match for the World Heavyweight Championship was a clean, entertaining, well-told story. Daniel Bryan, as the unintentional nerdy douchebag (who else could pull that off?), worked splendidly with the two lumbering behemoths Mark Henry and the Big Show, and his clean win legitimizes him simultaneously as a main event villain and a World Champion. Good stuff.

The 8-Diva Tag Team match was my bathroom break, which I enjoyed. Sorry, ladies.

John Cena vs. Kane wasn’t terribly offensive—it served its purpose of hooking the kids and getting Ryder on the show. I can’t help but wonder, though, after Cena moves on to his WrestleMania program with The Rock, how Ryder, Eve, and even Kane would move on with their characters intact. Sounds unlikely.

Brodus Clay is fun, but isn’t he just the 2012 version of Rikishi?

The WWE Title match was excellent. The near-falls were breathtaking, and Johnny Lauranitis’ involvement made sense—I love me some continuity. CM Punk’s seated power bomb counter, and Ziggler’s GTS-reversal-to-rocker-dropper were absolutely brilliant. Kudos to both men.

Is there anyone in the roster better—in terms of fluidity of movement, selling, and pure athleticism—than Dolph Ziggler right now? His hard work and sheer talent add up to make him the best person to make ANYONE look good in the ring with him. I fear, though, that that might be his downfall—he might be too good at making everyone else look good, that he’ll never get a true opportunity to be the WWE’s main man. Time will tell, though.

This year’s Royal Rumble match ended up on my list of favorite Rumbles, because of its consistency of entertainment. Even the spots with no-name entrants (Primo, Ezekiel Jackson) were not only entertaining, but clearly showed that it served its purpose. Almost nothing was arbitrary.

The Miz’s early dominance was great. Ricardo Rodriguez entering to Del Rio’s music was pure genius. Foley’s Socko vs. Santino’s Cobra was hilarious. Hacksaw’s, Road Dogg’s, Booker T’s, and Kharma’s entrances were terrific mark-out moments. And the ending sequence with Sheamus and Chris Jericho was absolutely intense. I was standing up and shouting after every move, counter-move, and elimination tease.

The 2012 Royal Rumble winner (via @charisseyaptan's Instagram)

In the end, Sheamus won the match and cemented his claim to a Heavyweight Title match at WrestleMania. Check out my previous post to see what I believe to be the significance of that match. Also to see that I was right.

The ending does leave us all to wonder, though, what Chris Jericho meant by his promo last Monday. Perhaps we’ll find out on this week’s Raw.

I will say, however, that if the Rumble was the end of the world as we know it… then I feel fine.

Rumble Predictions: Odds and Ends (of the world as you know it)

"This Sunday, at the Royal Rumble... it's gonna be the end of the world as you know it." - Chris Jericho, last Monday night on Raw

WWE has been promoting the Royal Rumble as the most unpredictable match of the year, but I’m going to try anyway, because this is Hurry up the Cakes, where we (I) attempt to do the impossible.

Here are the Hurry up the Cakes picks to win the 2012 Royal Rumble, with the odds in Resorts World Manila Vegas format:

Chris Jericho

In interviews during his vacation Fozzy World Tour, Jericho would say that he only wanted to come back to the WWE if he were to do something he (or anyone else) hadn’t already done before. And that he most certainly did—in all his creepy viral video, non-promo-promo, sparkly jacket glory. And he made us wait three weeks before he spoke that delightfully ominous statement quoted above.

Meanwhile, the IWC and the TWC were getting wet (with perspiration) in anticipation for a match between the “Best Wrestler in the World” CM Punk, and the formerly-self-proclaimed “Best in the World at What He Does” Chris Jericho.

Surely this is something Jericho himself would’ve wanted upon his return. Right? Right?

Hurry up the Cakes odds – 2:1

—–

Sheamus

He constantly dominates in Goldberg-esque fashion, he gets the biggest pops every week for anyone who isn’t named Randy Orton, and all the kids love him: all ingredients to what WWE traditionally wants in a WrestleMania main event babyface. He ran roughshod over the entire SmackDown roster since he was drafted, but came nowhere near the World Championship. And recently, he’s been “vowing to win the Royal Rumble”, the same way nearly everyone who has ever won the Rumble ever has.

I smell a new Irish Spring World Champion come WrestleMania time.

Also, wouldn’t it be cool if the SmackDown main event for WrestleMania is Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan, when the same match for the US Title was bumped off of the card last year? What a difference a year makes, indeed.

Hurry up the Cakes odds – 2:1

—–

Randy Orton

Orton made his return to WWE TV this past Friday on SmackDown. I suspect they had him return before the Rumble because if he was a surprise return at the Rumble itself (which, conveniently, will be held in his hometown of St. Louis, Missouri), there would be no way for him NOT to win. His entrance pop would overshadow any audience reaction for the night, and the crowd would boo the soul out of whoever would win, if Orton were to be eliminated.

Having him return early would eliminate the Pavlovian “surprise pop”, leaving him with just a “hometown pop”, which would be more manageable if he were to lose.

That being said, Randy Orton still is Randy Orton, The Wrestler Who Wins (™). And the Rumble is going to be held in his hometown. Everyone seemed to be high on him and his work this past year, and the (not-that-)“smart” fans are less sick of him than they are of Cena. Moreover, World Champ Daniel Bryan did go on record to say that his dream opponent for WrestleMania is Mr. RKO himself.

Perhaps we’ll see RKO back on top in the main event of WrestleMania, to the detriment of everyone who has seen him on top in the main event of every single event for the past 8 years.

Hurry up the Cakes odds: 3:1

—–

The Miz

Whenever WWE announces number one entrants beforehand, it’s usually a good guy whom the audience should want to overcome the insane 29-man strong obstacle placed before them (see: Shawn Michaels 1996, Steve Austin 1998/1999/2001, Chris Benoit 2004).

This year it’s The Miz, the pudgy, bullying, media darling.

Miz should get points for having the Rumble story built around him this year, but it’s unlikely they’ll have him win—CM Punk vs. Miz isn’t that much a marquee match on a big card, but especially on WrestleMania.

Hurry up the Cakes odds – 5:1

—–

Wade Barrett

Barrett and his Barrage have been on a roll this past year, almost simultaneously with Sheamus’ heavy-handed babyface push. But two heel Royal Rumble winners in a row just doesn’t sound like WWE’s style (Shawn Michaels 1995 doesn’t count—he was pushing tweener-babyface by then).

The only way this can happen is if Orton somehow wins the Championship between now and WrestleMania, and they have the blowoff match to their long feud. I’d like to remain optimistic, however, that WWE would like to have something new in the main event of the most important card of the year.

Hurry up the Cakes odds: 7:1

WWE Royal Rumble 2012 Meta-Preview

Tomorrow morning, 9AM Manila time, is WWE Royal Rumble—the most unpredictable night of the wrestling calendar, and the beginning of the road to WrestleMania 28.

WWE has been promoting it as the “25th Anniversary” of the Royal Rumble, but since it’s the 25th annual, it’s only the 24th anniversary. They made the same mistake with WrestleMania 25 three years ago. Didn’t anyone have the cojones to tell Vince and company that they were wrong about it? Weirdos.

Grantland’s previewed the Royal Rumble, and it’s a must-read, as per usual from “The Masked Man” David Shoemaker.

The Rumble is also an annual high point of fan interaction. The anticipation of each new entrant — contrived though it may be — is often exhilarating, with the audience counting down the seconds to every reveal. Moments like that are rare in wrestling — a near-perfect meeting of the crowd’s pure, almost Pavlovian reaction and WWE machers’ careful manipulation.

K Sawyer Paul (of Fair to Flair fame) provided some counterpoints to the Masked Man’s preview, as he is wont to do. It’s useful as an addendum, but also as a preview for the Rumble in and of itself.

A wrestling show will often swing between favouring “characters” and “real people”, often within the same match. Punk’s character is that of a real person with real issues. Jericho and Clay, meanwhile, are 100% characters right now. It’s interesting to watch the audience swing between preferring one over the other, too.

The guys at Droptoehold made their predictions for the Rumble, but threw in some WWE ‘12 commentary as well.

I expect that the WWE will continue to pull storylines from WWE ‘12 in order to validate the game’s weird roster. In the next week or so, there will be a DLC Pack that coincidentally features three people who I think might make an appearance tonight at the Rumble.

And finally, WWE.com’s Royal Rumble page has in-depth, well-written previews of each match, but they also have a fantastic feature on the “Top 25 Stunning Royal Rumble Statistics”. I won’t tell you what number one is, but I will tell you it’s almost a guaranteed mark-out moment. Good stuff.