Royal Rumble Depression 2013

I’m over it.

The Royal Rumble was an emotional roller-coaster, just as any wrestling show should be. But damn if Cena’s win didn’t depress me.

Quick thoughts:

+ Zigger is the man right now. Current in-ring MVP.
+ John Cena the human being is admirable, and worthy of respect. John Cena the character sucks balls and I hate him please go away
+ I love The Rock, but Punk has my current grown-up WWE fan heart. The false finish and Rock’s win made me look like this:

+ The Royal Rumble match itself wasn’t the best, but the surprises (JERICHO!!!) made it fun.
+ I like that Kofi Kingston was the only one dumb enough to get hit by the Cobra
+ Where does Punk go from here? Who is he facing at Mania? Taker? Austin? Brock? He’s been so good this past year, and I can’t wait to find out what’s in store.
+ I guess that means it wasn’t so bad after all?
+ Cena sucks. Because of you, I have to quit meat for a week. (Char and I have strange bets.)

In other news, Hurry up the Cakes is a year old today! Thanks to all who drop by here, the regulars and the Google-Searchers. God bless your kind hearts.

I’m exhausted. My grown-up heart can’t take roller-coasters like it used to. I’m going to bed now. See you soon, Cakers.

Food, Wrestling

Mikey’s Eats (January 31, 2012) and Post-Rumble Raw Musings

Mikey’s Eats is a series of chronicles of what Mikey ate in the given day. It is not the official Hurry up the Cakes review of the dish or restaurant discussed.

Last night, we ate at the new Pho Hoa, which is the same as the old Pho Hoa, except it’s in Festival Mall and it shares its space with MyThai and the old College classic Jack’s Loft. Thanks to Anthony Bourdain’s food porn second memoir, Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of Food and the People Who Cook (Amazon link), I had been craving for Vietnamese pho for a while now, so we ordered the Beef Brisket and Tendon Pho, along with some Fresh Spring Rolls and a Grilled Pork and Shrimp Rice Meal.

The Pho was tremendous—the noodles were perfectly cooked, the brisket tender, the tendon heavenly. And the broth! The sexily delicious beef broth, bean sprouts, some chili sauce, and a squeeze of lemon all combined to tell me to say a prayer to God in heaven, because I was having some damn good food. (At Festival Mall. Who would have thought?)

The sudden rush of flavors and spices, salty and sour and spicy and umami, sealed the deal for the Brisket and Tendon Pho to be the star of the evening. She took center stage and didn’t allow her Spring Roll buddies and Grilled Pork and Shrimp chorus to share her moment—the Pho had stolen the show.

This used to be a bowl of Brisket and Tendon Pho. I was hungry, and it was delicious.

Hurry up the Cakes verdict: Good food night.

Monday’s Raw (which I can only watch Tuesday night here in Manila) was one of the best in recent memory, with a perfect balance of pure, athletic wrestling, story advancement, and silly soap opera drama.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler was, as expected, clean and violent and beautiful. I wouldn’t mind watching a couple hours of Dolph Ziggler bouncing around and getting beaten up every week. He’s that good.

Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk, even if it was inexplicably interrupted by Chris Jericho, is an early match of the year contender. What excites me is that Jericho’s involvement will make sure there will be several more surefire contenders in the coming months.

The Undertaker’s Return and subsequent WrestleMania challenge to Triple H was melodramatic, soap operatic sports entertainment at its finest. And, just like last year’s challenge, not a word was spoken. We all know that those two are sharing the main event stage with Rock and Cena at WrestleMania, but I’m glad that WWE is taking the time and making the effort to make us enjoy seeing how they get there.

(For full results, go to WWE.com.)


WWE Royal Rumble 2012: I Feel Fine

Before we begin, may I just say, that I was right, and that you should always listen to Hurry up the Cakes, kiddies. 😀

Alright, carry on.

Last night was the Royal Rumble, and the Wrestling Community was out in full force on Tumblr and Twitter. I would almost say the frequently-updating Timelines and Dashboards were more entertaining than the event itself, but that wasn’t the case.

Daniel Bryan celebrates (via @charisseyaptan's Instagram)

The Triple Threat Steel Cage Match for the World Heavyweight Championship was a clean, entertaining, well-told story. Daniel Bryan, as the unintentional nerdy douchebag (who else could pull that off?), worked splendidly with the two lumbering behemoths Mark Henry and the Big Show, and his clean win legitimizes him simultaneously as a main event villain and a World Champion. Good stuff.

The 8-Diva Tag Team match was my bathroom break, which I enjoyed. Sorry, ladies.

John Cena vs. Kane wasn’t terribly offensive—it served its purpose of hooking the kids and getting Ryder on the show. I can’t help but wonder, though, after Cena moves on to his WrestleMania program with The Rock, how Ryder, Eve, and even Kane would move on with their characters intact. Sounds unlikely.

Brodus Clay is fun, but isn’t he just the 2012 version of Rikishi?

The WWE Title match was excellent. The near-falls were breathtaking, and Johnny Lauranitis’ involvement made sense—I love me some continuity. CM Punk’s seated power bomb counter, and Ziggler’s GTS-reversal-to-rocker-dropper were absolutely brilliant. Kudos to both men.

Is there anyone in the roster better—in terms of fluidity of movement, selling, and pure athleticism—than Dolph Ziggler right now? His hard work and sheer talent add up to make him the best person to make ANYONE look good in the ring with him. I fear, though, that that might be his downfall—he might be too good at making everyone else look good, that he’ll never get a true opportunity to be the WWE’s main man. Time will tell, though.

This year’s Royal Rumble match ended up on my list of favorite Rumbles, because of its consistency of entertainment. Even the spots with no-name entrants (Primo, Ezekiel Jackson) were not only entertaining, but clearly showed that it served its purpose. Almost nothing was arbitrary.

The Miz’s early dominance was great. Ricardo Rodriguez entering to Del Rio’s music was pure genius. Foley’s Socko vs. Santino’s Cobra was hilarious. Hacksaw’s, Road Dogg’s, Booker T’s, and Kharma’s entrances were terrific mark-out moments. And the ending sequence with Sheamus and Chris Jericho was absolutely intense. I was standing up and shouting after every move, counter-move, and elimination tease.

The 2012 Royal Rumble winner (via @charisseyaptan's Instagram)

In the end, Sheamus won the match and cemented his claim to a Heavyweight Title match at WrestleMania. Check out my previous post to see what I believe to be the significance of that match. Also to see that I was right.

The ending does leave us all to wonder, though, what Chris Jericho meant by his promo last Monday. Perhaps we’ll find out on this week’s Raw.

I will say, however, that if the Rumble was the end of the world as we know it… then I feel fine.


Rumble Predictions: Odds and Ends (of the world as you know it)

"This Sunday, at the Royal Rumble... it's gonna be the end of the world as you know it." - Chris Jericho, last Monday night on Raw

WWE has been promoting the Royal Rumble as the most unpredictable match of the year, but I’m going to try anyway, because this is Hurry up the Cakes, where we (I) attempt to do the impossible.

Here are the Hurry up the Cakes picks to win the 2012 Royal Rumble, with the odds in Resorts World Manila Vegas format:

Chris Jericho

In interviews during his vacation Fozzy World Tour, Jericho would say that he only wanted to come back to the WWE if he were to do something he (or anyone else) hadn’t already done before. And that he most certainly did—in all his creepy viral video, non-promo-promo, sparkly jacket glory. And he made us wait three weeks before he spoke that delightfully ominous statement quoted above.

Meanwhile, the IWC and the TWC were getting wet (with perspiration) in anticipation for a match between the “Best Wrestler in the World” CM Punk, and the formerly-self-proclaimed “Best in the World at What He Does” Chris Jericho.

Surely this is something Jericho himself would’ve wanted upon his return. Right? Right?

Hurry up the Cakes odds – 2:1



He constantly dominates in Goldberg-esque fashion, he gets the biggest pops every week for anyone who isn’t named Randy Orton, and all the kids love him: all ingredients to what WWE traditionally wants in a WrestleMania main event babyface. He ran roughshod over the entire SmackDown roster since he was drafted, but came nowhere near the World Championship. And recently, he’s been “vowing to win the Royal Rumble”, the same way nearly everyone who has ever won the Rumble ever has.

I smell a new Irish Spring World Champion come WrestleMania time.

Also, wouldn’t it be cool if the SmackDown main event for WrestleMania is Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan, when the same match for the US Title was bumped off of the card last year? What a difference a year makes, indeed.

Hurry up the Cakes odds – 2:1


Randy Orton

Orton made his return to WWE TV this past Friday on SmackDown. I suspect they had him return before the Rumble because if he was a surprise return at the Rumble itself (which, conveniently, will be held in his hometown of St. Louis, Missouri), there would be no way for him NOT to win. His entrance pop would overshadow any audience reaction for the night, and the crowd would boo the soul out of whoever would win, if Orton were to be eliminated.

Having him return early would eliminate the Pavlovian “surprise pop”, leaving him with just a “hometown pop”, which would be more manageable if he were to lose.

That being said, Randy Orton still is Randy Orton, The Wrestler Who Wins (™). And the Rumble is going to be held in his hometown. Everyone seemed to be high on him and his work this past year, and the (not-that-)“smart” fans are less sick of him than they are of Cena. Moreover, World Champ Daniel Bryan did go on record to say that his dream opponent for WrestleMania is Mr. RKO himself.

Perhaps we’ll see RKO back on top in the main event of WrestleMania, to the detriment of everyone who has seen him on top in the main event of every single event for the past 8 years.

Hurry up the Cakes odds: 3:1


The Miz

Whenever WWE announces number one entrants beforehand, it’s usually a good guy whom the audience should want to overcome the insane 29-man strong obstacle placed before them (see: Shawn Michaels 1996, Steve Austin 1998/1999/2001, Chris Benoit 2004).

This year it’s The Miz, the pudgy, bullying, media darling.

Miz should get points for having the Rumble story built around him this year, but it’s unlikely they’ll have him win—CM Punk vs. Miz isn’t that much a marquee match on a big card, but especially on WrestleMania.

Hurry up the Cakes odds – 5:1


Wade Barrett

Barrett and his Barrage have been on a roll this past year, almost simultaneously with Sheamus’ heavy-handed babyface push. But two heel Royal Rumble winners in a row just doesn’t sound like WWE’s style (Shawn Michaels 1995 doesn’t count—he was pushing tweener-babyface by then).

The only way this can happen is if Orton somehow wins the Championship between now and WrestleMania, and they have the blowoff match to their long feud. I’d like to remain optimistic, however, that WWE would like to have something new in the main event of the most important card of the year.

Hurry up the Cakes odds: 7:1