This week, we talk about my favorite product ever. We also talk about the product that is the least indispensible in my tech workflow. Lastly, we talk about the product that has given me the most grief.
Favorite product. Least indispensible. Most grief.
Favorite product. Least indispensible. Most grief.
Are you getting it? These are not three separate devices. This is one device.
Sawyer has been kind enough to have me as a guest on his wrestling podcasts through the years, but the times we podcasted together with technology as the topic were a lot of fun. Tech geekery is something he and I can easily get very worked up about, especially since our emotional investment in it is often matched (or eclipsed) by our financial investment. Unlike many people in tech-writing-podcasting circles, we’re not (yet?) on the list of people that Tech Product Companies send review units to, yet we often talk about and write about and pour our lives into the damned things anyway. And the damned things can get damned expensive—in more ways than one.
You Chose Poorly is about the cost of having these beautiful/terrible devices in our lives. Sometimes it hurts so good, sometimes it just hurts.
I asked my very pregnant wife to send in her WrestleMania predictions a few days before the big event. Instead, she decided to send in something a little wackier. Ladies and gentlemen, I present: Char’s predictions of me and my behavior during WrestleMania weekend. (My own comments are bold. Also, they’re in boldface.)
WrestleMania isn’t my thing. I’m a Royal Rumble girl (I like the nostalgia and the organized chaos).
To be honest, whenever I watch anything with Mikey, I spend half the time watching him and his reactions. More often than not, his reactions are far more entertaining than whatever is on the television—more so for WrestleMania.
Yeah, especially if Roman Reigns is in the main event.
My predictions start on Sunday morning. WrestleMania will air Monday morning for us, so the excitement will begin on Sunday morning in our humble home.
I wake up first. I check to see if Mikey is awake. He’s not. I go through my my repertoire of please-wake-up tactics (usually arranged from cute to annoying). Lately though, “I’m hungry” has been the most effective way to get him to wake up.
He wakes up, grabs his phone, checks twitter, looks at me, and smiles with his mouth open and teeth showing. He bounces up and down. His cheeks jiggle. He will say: “Can you smell that? It’s WrestleMania.”
He will use words/phrases like “palpable” or “my body is ready”, and he will refer to himself as the “boy”.
Our day will go on as planned, but during the quiet moments, he will bounce up and down on his seat to express excitement
She also forgot that the Hall of Fame ceremony aired live Sunday morning on the WWE Network, which means that I woke up first. I turned on our little bedroom TV set and let old-time speeches and tributes act as the white noise beneath our early morning stupor.
The cobwebs cleared up by the time The New Day went onstage. I switched over to the WWE app on my iPad Pro so that I could watch and prepare breakfast at the same time. By the time Michael Hayes overstayed his welcomesang Badstreet, the table was set. Delimondo brand chili-and-garlic flavored corned beef, sautéed pork and beans, and hot white rice.
Throughout the day, I bounced up and down several times. My cheeks may or may not have jiggled. I did not say “Can you smell that?” because that questions is too associated with The Rock, and his WrestleMania appearance did not really excite me, even if he was my childhood hero.
Mikey will wake up first because his schedule dictates our departure time (an unspoken rule at home–whoever has to leave earlier is in charge of wake-up duties).
He turns off internet access on his iPad and phone. “I don’t want to be spoilered. If you get spoilered, don’t tell me.”
Our day will go on as planned. Mikey will be quieter than usual because he won’t be connected to the internet in any way (no tweets, no FB messages, no iMessages). Unless of course he does get spoliered—in which case I will receive a very angry call. He will vent and he will use profanity.
All accurate. I did call her in the middle of the day to tell her about something important that happened at work. She picked up the phone and continued giggling the whole time I told the story. When I asked why, she said was fully expecting me to use profanity because I had been spoliered.
My wife forgets that I am a gentle soul. I would not rage—I would weep.
He will pick me up at 4:30 PM (work on Monday ends at 3:30PM). I will joke about wanting to go somewhere before we head home. He will begrudgingly agree (because I am carrying his child), I will take it back and watch the joy unfold in his face.
I picked up my wife in record time. I pulled up to the gate at 4:15 PM!
She did, in fact, joke that she was craving S&R Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad. Since I was fully prepared for the ribbing, I snapped back: “Nope, we are going home and ordering a pizza.” Then she said that she was serious, and pretended to sadly agree to go home instead.
Then I felt guilty. And then she laughed.
My wife is evil, I tell you.
When we get home, he will turn off the wifi on all of our devices (Mac Mini, laptops, phones, and iPads). Only the PS4 that’s connected to the television will have access to the internet.
He will order pizza and chicken because he has no time/desire to cook and clean up.
This is exactly what happened. Thankfully, the WWE Network PS4 worked perfectly—no lag, no skips, no buffering.
We ordered Yellow Cab Pizza. Large Four Seasons pizza and a Charlie Chan Chicken pasta. Char offered one can of her coveted San Pellegrino Arranciata, presumably to make up for her evilness earlier that afternoon.
He will load WrestleMania on the very legal WWE Network and he will say: “oh myyyyyyy! This is it!” He will quickly hug me, kiss me, and tell me that he loves me. I will be playing non-internet based games on my iPad.
This ended up being wrong. She played non-internet games during “America the Beautiful” and the wonderful Sideshow Bob voiceover intro, and then she became fully engaged when the Ladder Match started, yelling and cheering and jeering alongside me for the entire four-hour and fifty-one minute show.
WrestleMania is a special time of the year for wrestling fans the world over. My life was never the same after I watched that VHS tape which featured all the main events from WrestleManias 1 through VII twenty-six years ago, and I make sure to try very hard to mark the occasion every year. I’m a very lucky boy to be able to share this with the craziest woman I know—and that she actually enjoys it!
I’ve had the same mistress for eight years and none of my girlfriends have ever found out about her. As soon as a girlfriend starts to suspect something, I accuse HER of cheating. That gives me a few weeks of cushion time to line up a new girlfriend. I’m a total commitment phobe but using this method I’m never in a relationship for longer than six months. And I have had the added benefit of conducting a fulfilling, rich and passionate affair with the same beautiful woman for eight years.
Beginning today, fans in Thailand and Philippines can order WWE Network online by going to WWENetwork.com and receive their first month of service free. WWE Network in Thailand and Philippines will cost $9.99 USD per month, with no commitment and the ability to cancel any time.