In March 2015, I was a newly married man, teaching Theatre part-time at an international school, and finishing up my academic courses as a graduate student in literature. One of the requirements of my final course was a “short” 8-page-minimum creative non-fiction piece.
What I ended up submitting is one of the funnest things that I’ve ever written. It was a playful way of indulging in my love for things—sometimes expensive, often beautiful, and ultimately trivial material things. I’ve decided to share the piece with you in its entirety (minus the footnotes, which was basically just information about where to purchase some of the things I write about—very little essential or creative about them). It sounds younger, somewhat raw, and I cringe at some of the parts, but, I guess, it was me then. No use denying it. I’ve also decided to annotate some parts with updates from me now. In some weird way, it reinforces the strangeness and wonderfulness of ephemerality.
I’ll try my best not to try and save face by editing the parts where I cringe. Annotations are in boldface. Highlights within the original text are underlined. Also, consider the piece a State of Hurry up the Cakes Address, since it hits all of the points I usually talk about over here anyway.
So. Here I am, or was, on a weekday in March 2015:
As you may have heard on this week’s episode of our podcast, You Chose Poorly (listen on Mixcloud here and subscribe on iTunes here!) I’m a proud owner of 12.9″ iPad Pro. A Hurry up the Cakes review is coming soon, but I think I have to sort out my many unprocessed feelings about it.
I know that I love it. I know that I love multitasking on the big-ass screen. I love using the Apple Pencil to make stuff on Paper and Procreate, and to mark up students’ papers on Microsoft Word. I love using the Smart Keyboard Cover and having the option to use my iPad as “just” an iPad, or as my work machine. Its size is perfect for writing, for drawing, for multi-tasking, for reading in landscape, and for catching on the WWE Network. I love it. I love it all.
As a device, in and of itself, it is, without question, the very best iPad that I have ever owned, and the one that I am or have been happiest about.
However, as you also may have heard on this week’s episode of You Chose Poorly (listen on Mixcloud here, subscribe on iTunes here!), I can’t help but see the iPad in the contexts all the other iPads that there have ever been, and all the other iPads that are on sale right now.
It’s in the these two contexts that I think I’m gaining some mild anxiety.
My “Wrong” iPads
The “New” iPad
Four years ago, I upgraded from an iPad 2 to the “New” (3rd generation) iPad. It was something I was immensely excited about. I scarfed down every review, every first-impressions article, every post that concerned itself with Apple’s then-latest-and-greatest.
Nobody warned me that I would regret it.
Sure, it was a little bit thicker and heavier than the iPad 2. Sure, its processor was only an “X” upgrade (A5X from the iPad 2’s A5). But it had a retina screen. My iPhone had a retina screen and it was always very jarring to shift between my phone and my iPad. Also, the new iPad was pretty.
Nobody warned me that I would regret it.
Nobody warned me that Apple would release a brand new iPad, with an A6X processor and a lightning port, just six months later.
Six months. It broke my heart.
Not only because the 3rd Generation iPad was no longer the top-of-the-line offering, but because it became more and more evident that the A5X chip, when pushing the pixels on a Retina screen, isn’t that much faster than the A5. In fact, it was actually slower, in some ways. It was the 4th generation iPad that ended up being the true One Generation Jump over the iPad 2. The iPad 3 was just a stopgap measure—besides the Retina display, it was more like a .5 generation jump.
So when Apple announced the iPad Air in one year later, I knew I had to upgrade to it.
Apple launched the iPad Air in October of 2013. I was beginning to be uncertain about whether or not one year was the right amount of time between iPad upgrades, but I was already antsy about getting a new one 18 months into my iPad’s life cycle.
So, then, the iPad Air. One pound. iPad mini-esque redesign. Accidental bezel touch non-recognition technology. Lightning port. A7 chip. Why wouldn’t I get it, right?
So I did. And I was very happy with it. (Also it was legitimately a very difficult time in my life, and Apple came through at the right moment to provide an opportunity for retail therapy.)
The next year, when the iPad Air 2 launched, I barely paid any attention. I was engaged to be married, and spending money on what seemed like a minor upgrade (laminated screen, Touch ID, 2GB RAM, A8X chip) wasn’t exactly a high priority. Also, my wife adds, I was “deliriously happy and nothing else mattered.” (She’s been reading over my shoulder, apparently.) I even used it to read my vows during my wedding!
For a while, everything in my iPad world was pretty darned good. Until iOS 9.
During the WWDC 2015 keynote, Craig Federighi announced and demoed iOS 9’s new features for the iPad: keyboard shortcuts, command-tab app switching, Slideover, and the big one: Split Screen Multitasking. I was pumped. My iPad Air’s life cycle suddenly got an unexpected boost.
And then they announced that only the iPad Air 2 would have all the new features. My iPad Air would get everything except the big one.
Suddenly it all began to make sense. The A8X chip was not just a One Generation Jump over the A7, but a full generation and a half. And it had 2GB of RAM—more memory than iOS truly needed just six months before. My iPad Air was a very good upgrade in 2013, but the iPad Air 2 was a way overpowered, future-proof fantastic upgrade in 2014. In 2015, the Air 2 hardware would begin to truly sing, while the Air 1 would start showing its wrinkles.
Once again, I had the wrong iPad.
(I mean, I loved it, but it was wrong.)
I kept my iPad for a little while longer. In September, at the launch of the iPhone 6s and the new Apple TV, Apple squeezed in an announcement for the new 12.9″ iPad Pro, along with the Smart Keyboard Cover and Apple Pencil. In December, it arrived here in the Philippines, sans Pencil and Keyboard.
By March, nearly all local Apple resellers had demo units of the Apple Pencil. So I dropped by one store and tried it out. It ruined my day. (This story, and many others are told I full detail in this week’s episode of You Chose Poorly! Listen on Mixcloud here and subscribe on iTunes here!)
So now I’m a very happy owner of a 12.9“ iPad Pro. I’m pretty confident it’s the ”right” iPad for me simply because it’s what I wanted, and I love it, and I use it all the time, and it delights me.
That’s all that’s supposed to matter, right?
Except the new 9.7″ Pro seems like it’s the new star of the iPad show. And the True Tone sensor and the wider gamut display seem like the new hotness of the industry. And it’s thin and light and much more bringable. And my iPad doesn’t have them. And I think Rene Ritchie and John Gruber like it more than the big one.
If you pretend that I don’t have an iPad, and you make me choose between the baby Pro and the large Pro, I would still choose the larger Pro. And I would be happy. And the whole premise of this post wouldn’t even be an issue.
And then on Tuesday morning, I record another episode of You Chose Poorly (listen on Mixcloud here and subscribe on iTunes here!), and wonder all over again. I have the 12.9″ iPad Pro—I chose well, right?
The main thing you can do to extend your battery’s life is to follow one simple rule of thumb: ABC, or “Always Be Charging”. The battery’s typical Depth of Discharge, or DOD, is directly related to how many cycles it will take before its capacity drops to 80%. The more you have to charge your battery before it’s full, the less full charge cycles you’ll get out of it. The logic of this so simple, I’m a little ashamed that I didn’t figure it out sooner.
Apparently I’ve been doing it wrong for the past five years.. The logic of this so simple, I’m a little ashamed that I didn’t figure it out sooner.
It’s been a month since the new iPad / 3rd Generation iPad / 2012 iPad / iPad 3 was first released, and since then, reviews of the device popped up all over the internet like mushrooms. Some are deep, intensive, and well-written. Others wanted to take advantage of the red-hot “new iPad” search term to add hits to their websites. A few just wanted to show off to the world that they had Apple’s flagship post-PC device before the rest of us did. But generally, most reviews covered the usual range of topics: battery life, app ecosystem, user interface, thickness/weight, the screen screen omg the screen, et cetera.
We at Hurry up the Cakes have no interest in adding to the pile of reviews of that nature. If you want that, I suggest you head on over to The Verge, or to Daring Fireball, or to clean-cut, sterile, Apple Review OG, the Wall Street Journal’s All Things D.
Over here at Hurry up the Cakes, we write reviews to answer any and all questions that end up with the bottom line: should you, dear reader, buy the new iPad?
The answer, of course, is a resounding yes–and here’s why.
Everyone in the universe has talked about how wonderfully fantastically beautifully amazingly gorgeous the screen is, and they are right on the money. But unlike Josh Topolsky, I wasn’t distracted by the clarity of the screen–it pulled me straight into whatever I was looking at.
In other words, the genius of the iPad is not that the screen is beautiful, but that it makes everything in it beautiful: The entire internet has never been prettier. Photos have never been crisper. Comic books pop right out of the screen–and I don’t need to zoom in to read the text anymore. Bloody brilliant!
It is slightly heavier, but my muscular arms don’t mind the change.
The very slight increase in thickness is imperceptible to everyone but my mom. If I didn’t already know it beforehand, I wouldn’t have noticed.
…until I’d try to use my iPad 2 back cover on it. Which I did. It still fit, but it was noticeably snugger.
The camera is much better than the iPad 2’s (which isn’t saying much), but I think the only time I’ll ever use it is if I absolutely have no access to my iPhone 4S.
The official review is still forthcoming. Be sure to send in any questions you might have about the new iPad (or life in general) over in the comments section, our Facebook page, or via my Twitter @mikeyllorin.
The Hunger Games was good, and fun, and exciting, in the same way that wrestling is good, and fun, and exciting. This is a compliment (not a complement). It reminded me of the Royal Rumble, except elimination actually meant death. I can’t wait ’til the next one.
I’m talking about the movie, not the book.
WrestleMania is five days away. Breathe. Do you smell that? It is in the air. It is WrestleMania season.
The new iPad is on its way to Hurry up the Cakes Headquarters–expect my first impressions tomorrow, and, of course, the Hurry up the Cakes review in a few days. If you want to ask anything (anything!) about the 2012 iPad, feel free to drop a line in the comments, the Facebook page, or on Twitter via @mikeyllorin.
No food posts in the past few weeks (I know, sorry!), but trust me, it’s not for lack of food. Or eating. Which has been good. So good, in fact, that if I wrote about them, the content might have just consisted of “So good!” and “I’m a happy boy!” again and again and again. And you (the thousands upon thousands of you!) certainly deserve better than that over here on Hurry up the Cakes.
These are the only announcements. Thank you. And may the odds be ever in your favor will you please hurry up the gosh-darned cakes.